Saturday, April 4, 2015

happiness - lies




happiness scares me.
its short-life feeling seduces me into this illusion
where such bliss, does exist.

i was blown away by this amusement.
where i could laugh off my worries 
where i could smile over little silly things
where i could secretly hope this hour will never end.



i never believed in happy ending.
never was, never will.
but, when i am happy, i'll try my best to keep the moment alive
for so long, i wish it will be eternal
but life never seems to go that way

behind this contentment, there's always a broken heart,
wishing to be mended
but is ready to be punished again
and sorrow then awaits
and such grief will haunt my days all over again
although, "happy" starts to show her existence
this scar, may not heal.



there are just pieces of me
who want to believe that joy is purely goodness.
but some believe it is the deed of evil
whose mask is stay hidden til time explodes every inch of its lie.

it's tiring.
what's the meaning of a smile,
if in a second it may turn into a tear?
what's the use of a joke,
if it's just to cover up the ugly truth?
what's the use of an uphill battle,
if no one's going to stand there to celebrate the triumph?
what's the use of this life then?


i'm sorry.
but i'm giving up.



and how i wish i can have faith
in this thing called 
family.



cheers.
sartob

Saturday, March 14, 2015

smile, til your heart's content :)

"will you smile, darling?"










and special appearances by my sweethearts:
selly & lulut
the new "jomblo" gang :p











"let's be happy, shall we?"


cheers,
sartob

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

the leftover


i am beyond annoyed.
at times when i need someone to talk to, blah, no one is there.
and when i have a company, others started a fuss saying i'm too busy to hang with.
why is the timing never right?



not to mention, the bad experience i had in melbourne is repeating.
i become another "leftover" ready to be wasted.
as most of my (read: BEST) friends have already taken, i'm here.
all alone.
again.


stuck in the same path,
all over again.






to be honest,
it's painful to see my friends moving on to a new stage of their life.
not that i'm unhappy to see them happy,
but, you know,
being left behind, is somewhat, sad.



and it's not that because i'm being a possessive bitch or whatsoever.
and it's not that i'm not trying hard enough to keep up with them.
but, it's just fate.
it seems like my time is just not...
ready, yet.



well then,
call me if you're free? :)


wore: zara outerwear, zalora tee, charles&keith white wedges, uniqlo fedora hat, minkpink glasses



cheers,
sartob

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

because waiting is painful




i know you wouldn't come
but i somehow wish...
you would.
this consciousness told me to wake up
wake up to this unpleasant reality,
where you do not exist.
where your presence is no longer present.
and even the thought of you
has vanished within a sweet lullaby.




and i became a fool
who waits for nothing.
who hopes for a change that will not happen.
who slowly dies in misery.
but i do wish,
this memory remains alive
although, it starts fading away,
and i'm still wishing.
the you in my mind,
will forever be you who used to be mine.










wore: oline workrobe sweater, bought in melbourne gold dress (worn as skirt), retail therapy clogs 


ps. this post is intended to... NO ONE. seriously. i hope you don't get your imagination wild :)



 cheers,
sartob