dear you

November 10, 2014

dear you

If you happen to read this, yes it is dedicated to you.

Life works at its magical way, always amuses me with so many surprises.

The presence of him is just one of the surprises I face in this life.

I used to believe the non-existent of love can still let me to enjoy life. I am happy with my current career, friends, and family. I believe I can survive somehow. Life shouldn’t be perfect, thus, I accept this tiny defect that completes my life. Although I feel empty at times, I always thought it’s just another trial or phase I need to pass.

It’s okay, I thought. Or at least, I’ll be okay.

Then, I met him.

This funny destiny favors us to meet at a very unexpected place. Yes, a social media. Not just the typical media you will find in the internet, but it’s a (sort of) dating site; a very desperate place to meet what-so-called “the one”. I joined the site for fun. I have no expectation on anything and I wish to see no one from there. Pure fun. I was in need for a good laugh.

But, this man is like no other. Through a short introduction and a small chat, we instantly felt the connection and understood each other very well. Maybe, because our characters are pretty similar, we felt like having a twin whom able to read through our eyes and minds.

A month, less or more, I couldn’t remember. We spent days talking, laughing, mocking and encouraging each other which wiped out our boredom. I’m always looking forward to our conversation, as it lights my dark soul.

He didn’t just stop by; he left a huge mark in my life. He colored my life from black and white to various blending of colors I haven’t seen before. I saw different perspectives of life that allows me to appreciate human’s traits. I even got to learn new feelings and understand myself more. All I can say is every moment we spent together was precious.

Since life is never perfect. Our relationship has its own drawback.

We face this difference that stops us from seeing each other. A difference that affects our future. A difference that shakes our belief. A difference that is so crucial, that will soon, separate us, somehow.

I don’t believe in love. You can see me being skeptical or ungrateful or too judgmental of the feeling I never experience, but, I just don’t believe in that bullshit. I never believe one can love a person til the day he/she dies, like what he/she vows in their wedding. No, I don’t believe in that love. I may seem very pessimistic, but I simply know that I won’t experience that kind of love either. It’s not the feeling that speaks, it’s the mind who wants more and our heart follows. I know, I know, this may sound too theoretical, but this is what consumed me. At least for now.

He, in the other hand, believes that he will meet his love along his journey. Someone whom he will love for the rest of his life. Someone who’s worth fighting for. Someone whom his heart will be rest upon to. He knows he will be in love. And we both know, it should not be me. We are not belong together. We must not fall in love. Because of a “difference”.

It kills us.

Two individuals who see the world differently, longing to complete each other but unable to do so, and our hands can barely touch, our eyes are left closed, our hearts are not allowed to meet. It was hard. Really hard.

Parting is the only thing I hate the most from life. Even though I believe there’s another meeting takes place behind every goodbye, but can’t I just keep us? Can’t I just hold onto this current feeling? No, I can’t, right? But why?

I don’t know what will happen to us. Whether our friendship remains or we’re back to strangers again. I don’t know what the future has for us, but, I’m wishing the best for you. I’m praying for whatever you’re struggling at the moment and what will you be facing in the future. I believe you will be even a greater person and I am so grateful to have you once in my life. Although our meeting was short, I learned a lot. So, thank you. Thanks God for letting me to know you and thank you for stopping by J

Farewell, friend.